I have a confession.
I've been struggling with my body a bit recently. Actually, that's a lie. I've been struggling with it a lot.
A friend was talking on the phone with me this week about how she’s really struggling with her body right now and she said, “I know you’ve never experienced that problem but…”
And listen, I get it. I’m a boudoir photographer who posts her own boudoir photos and gets on video to explain spicy selfie poses all the time. I must be, like, the most confident person ever, right?!
But everyone struggles with their body sometimes, and I mean everyone.
Plus, I don’t think I’d be able to give such an impactful, empowering boudoir experience to my clients if I didn’t deeply, personally understand the struggle to love your own body and how important and delicate that journey is…but that is a topic for another post 😏
Here’s the truth: All of the boudoir selfies I’ve been posting were taken about a year ago. At that time, I really did love and appreciate my body.
Soon after those photos were taken, though, I hit a wall of depression. Everything in my life was a chaotic mess with crisis after crisis (seriously, I could have an HBO show about my life at this point), and I felt like I was drowning. I stopped going to dance classes and stopped eating healthy…like, ever.
And my body changed.
Not a lot, but enough that I notice. Enough that my sensory issues make me want to crawl out of my body whenever my skin touches itself. Enough that I had to buy an entirely new wardrobe three separate times in the last year because I just kept gaining weight.
And the thing is, I really don’t mind the weight itself at all.
I just struggle with the knowing of where these changes came from: depression, financial struggles, crisis, and shame. My body feels like a physical, tangible reminder of all the horribleness in my mind the last year.
Because of all this, I stopped looking in the mirror. I didn’t want to be reminded of those things.
I stopped taking pictures of myself.
I stopped sending my partner flirty, teasing selfies.
I stopped dressing up.
I stopped making TikToks for a while.
And I haven’t taken any new boudoir selfies since then.
Until today.
Something changed within me today. (*cue Defying Gravity*)
You see, in December I made the decision to sell my house and it has lifted an incredible weight off my shoulders. Plus, I have been cooking at home more, starting to exercise again (I did one 15-minute workout this week, but hey, it counts!), and found a gorgeous rental to move into with my partner.
With the stress lifted (besides the stress of the world right now), I decided to get glammed up and head to my studio to make some posing tutorials and TikTok content, where I ended up throwing on a lingerie set from my Client Closet and taking some spicy selfies!
AND LET ME TELL YOU. Sheeeeeesh! 🥵
I forgot just how good taking spicy selfies and seeing myself as a sensual, confident, badass goddess felt.
Y’know, my therapist once told me that she thought I should try going through my 28-Day Spicy Selfie Challenge & Journal myself to help gain my confidence back, aaaand I think she may be onto something.
Taking spicy selfies often reminds you that your body is art and worth being memorialized — as it is, in this very moment, right now.
It reminds you to connect with your body often, which can feel centering and grounding.
It forces you to look at your body in new ways and start to feel more neutral (or positive, even!) about the things you struggle to love.
So let this be Day 1 of getting to know and love my body again. Maybe I’ll post a personal recap along with what I wrote for the journal prompts at the end of my 28 days — what do you think?!
Oh, and here are the selfies I took today that made me re-fall in love with my hips and thighs all over again 😍🔥
